


Restless

by hanaxsongs



Series: Persona 5 Oneshots [3]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, M/M, P5R Spoilers, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:47:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26709256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanaxsongs/pseuds/hanaxsongs
Summary: Ren wakes from another dream about Goro. Post P5R.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Series: Persona 5 Oneshots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1895767
Kudos: 40





	Restless

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr: https://renxamamiya.tumblr.com/post/630561977385762816/imagine-post-p5r-akira-wanting-to-hold-goros-hand

Ren woke up to the stillness of night. Light from fluorescent streetlamps poured through the curtains of his bedroom, illuminating the dark room with an eerie glow, just enough for him to see the furniture that decorated his room.

He was back in Inaba from his time in Tokyo, back in his parents’ house, his name cleared from the crime he did not commit. Ren remembered how unbearable at how quiet the nights were after coming back from the city, already used to the white noise of cars roaring down narrow streets that accompanied his sleep. They were always there, a constant he was irritated with during his first nights in Tokyo, cursing at the thin walls the attic seemed to house; he thought he wouldn’t get used to such a barrage of noise, a concept he now hissed at the irony of as he now yearned for it as he slept sleeplessly in quiet.

Yet it wasn’t the only reason this time he stirred from otherwise blissful sleep. He was having dreams of Tokyo again… of the Metaverse. Bizarre and frightening, Ren would have passed the events he’d had to endure as stress-inducing nightmares if it weren’t for the feline sleeping by the foot of his bed. Having forged a bond that’s unbreakable, Morgana insisted he’d come along to his home in the countryside. His parents were… less than pleased with having a new, unexpected addition to the family, but in time they grew to love Morgana as one of their own (and Ren sometimes wondered if they loved the cat more than they did him).

There was one dream… one dream in particular that Ren had constantly revisited. One about Goro, always about Goro, and never something else.

It was an open secret amongst the Phantom Thieves during their yearlong time of operation that Ren fancied the star detective prince, even since he stood up to the Detective Prince in front of millions on TV, that first sighting of him made his heart flutter in a way he never experienced before, almost jumping up his throat and out of his mouth, and Ren always wondered if Goro ever acknowledged how flushed his cheeks under the studio lights as they shook hands.

Opposite ends of a conflict, rivals, a detective and a thief. He loved the way they danced around each other, their game of cat and mouse, constantly pushing the other to their limits, always in competition to outdo each other, the cyclical motion in which one chased each other by the coattails of their intertwining destinies… Ren knew the same day he had met the detective that he was suspicious, always aware that Goro might be the ‘Black Mask’ behind the mental shutdowns, yet never raising it to his friends both from uncertainty and fear that the boy he crushed on was, in fact, a cold-hearted killer.

His unframed eyes wandered from his lap onto the bedside table. A lone glove sat beside his glasses, gently illuminated by a stream of moonlight. He remembered their duel in Mementos. A private battle against the other in the arena that was the stream of the public consciousness, and his triumph over his rival, his crush. Ren wouldn’t dare forget that day when Goro allowed his mask to slip for the first time, for Ren to witness the real Goro on that day as he threw his glove at him… The same glove he picked up from his bedside table. The only real keepsake he had left with the detective. He tightened his grip around it.

How he wished that things played differently, for them to be something more than rivals he insisting they’d be between each other… Ren remembered the many, many insomnia-filled nights even after changing the heart of Shido, his mind wandering to that engine room. The iconography of Shido’s twisted party burned in his mind, faded red paint pulsated perfervidly as he pounded heavily on the shutter door, how peaceful Goro sounded within his last moments of their time together, the sudden, sharp bangs of bullets blasting between his crush and his crude, cruel copy.

Yet that was not the source of his continued grief. No; with time he would have moved on from his loss, an emotion he practised when parting with his Phantom Thief life completely from Tokyo. He brought the glove to his lips and kissed it; vulnerable tears blinked down from his eyes.

Maruki. He had saved Goro from his fate, bringing the detective back from perceived death, Ren remembering how absolutely stunned he felt when he saw Goro, loosed tongued, the ‘Detective Prince’ mask he donned on gone… it was a miracle… it was a lure for him to accept his reality, Goro a piece of bait for him to allure Ren into wanting Maruki’s twisted haven of reality, to ensnare the rebellious boy into his will.

And Ren almost bought into it, almost accepted his deal, remembering his almost shameful want to keep everything Maruki had given him. He wanted to stay in Tokyo, to be with his friends, to love Goro freely, both of them finally breaking the binds that bound them to expectation and binary. Yet it was not meant to be. He remembered the way Goro sneered at him for even considering the Gentle Madman’s deal; angry, red eyes squinting hatefully at him. And Ren understood why. Even with the uncertainty of his destiny he still chose to stand against Maruki’s wishes, chose to discard being a puppet for the counsellor’s dream, taking the reins of his destiny as Ren demonstrated to him.

It was something that Ren did not want, the Fool almost abandoning the integrity he had clung on so desperately all that time, all dashed at the opportunity to finally save the one he couldn’t. Yet; he saw that even while discussing his uncertain fate, the freedom to finally control his destiny, his future, the one thing Goro had desired this whole time, even if it meant dying in Shido’s Palace, even if it meant that they would never see the other again… that Goro was happy.

And who was he to reap the happiness from the man who pursued it for so long? Ren was now sobbing, holding the glove close to him, squeezing the leather tight. The dream he would have. Where he would always see glimpses of Goro, a modern Tantalus, the thing he desired the most always just out of his reach. He would often imagine how Goro’s fingers felt intertwined in his own, skin touching skin, Ren almost pretending when he filled the glove with his grip, clutching his hands together in prayer for the life he wished for…

He felt Morgana against him, purring in comfort. The cat said nothing, understanding more than anyone the feelings Ren had for Goro, yet also perplexed; but he knew he was in no position to argue, and so he comforted Ren as he cried into the night, until exhaustion again lulled him into bliss-less sleep, the only remnant of Goro still clasped in his hands. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a kudos + comment if you enjoyed the fic! Also feel free to follow me on tumblr at renxamamiya or on twitter at hanaxsongs.


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